(A Necessary Document, Unfortunately)
Welcome to the Infinite Archive.
By accessing this website, you agree to the following Terms & Conditions.
We apologise for their existence, but the legal department (a single overworked lamp with a loose bulb) insisted.
Please read carefully.
The Archive pretends to take these matters seriously, and you are encouraged to do the same.
1. Purpose of This Website
The Infinite Archive exists to catalogue, display, and occasionally release artefacts recovered from places that do not behave in accordance with modern geological, historical, or emotional expectations.
This site is provided as-is, as-remembered, and occasionally as-misremembered.
Accuracy is attempted, but never promised.
2. Eligibility & Conduct
You may use this site if you agree not to:
- harass the artefacts,
- interrogate the archivists,
- attempt to reverse-engineer reality,
- exploit the Archive for commercial gain unrelated to its purpose,
- or behave in any manner that suggests you may be swallowed by a malfunctioning timeline.
If any of the above occurs, the Archive reserves the right to remove access, deny acquisitions, or place you in a filing cabinet for observation.
This last option is metaphorical. Usually.
3. Intellectual Property
All artwork, text, relic descriptions, classifications, and recovered fragments are the property of Infinite Muse Arts and are protected by applicable laws, whether in this universe or adjacent ones.
You may not reproduce, redistribute, or repurpose Archive materials without explicit permission.
We worked hard on them. The artefacts worked even harder.
4. The Nature of Artefacts
Artefacts listed within the Archive are:
- limited,
- fragile (physically or existentially),
- occasionally temperamental,
- and not guaranteed to improve your life, although they may rearrange it.
Physical fragments are produced in extremely small quantities.
Once they are claimed, they do not return—much like certain relatives.
The Archive does not guarantee the behaviour of any artefact once it leaves custody.
If it hums, glows, weeps, rearranges your bookshelves, or offers unsolicited advice, please contact a responsible adult.
5. Acquisitions & Payment
Acquiring a fragment constitutes a transaction between you and Infinite Muse Arts.
By completing an acquisition, you acknowledge that:
- fragments are sold in limited editions,
- all sales are final (unless an error is made by the Archive or fate itself),
- availability is determined by the artefacts, not by demand,
- and delivery times may vary depending on postal services and cosmic alignment.
Refunds are granted only in cases of shipping damage, clerical error, or unexpected portal formation.
6. Website Availability & Reliability
The Archive strives to remain accessible, but the following may occur:
- software updates,
- server maintenance,
- power outages,
- time dilation,
- or a general loss of enthusiasm among electrons.
We accept no responsibility for downtime, data loss, or the sudden reordering of menu items by unseen forces.
7. Privacy & Data
Your privacy is important to us.
We collect only the information needed to operate the Archive and process acquisitions.
We do not sell, trade, or casually gossip about your data.
We might, however, store it securely and then forget where we put it. This is normal in archival environments.
8. Liability (A Stern Section)
To the fullest extent permitted by law, Infinite Muse Arts and the Infinite Archive disclaim liability for:
- emotional attachments to artefacts,
- existential crises triggered by Archive descriptions,
- financial decisions made while under the influence of curiosity,
- and any metaphysical disturbance caused by proximity to relics.
If you experience unexpected side effects, sit down, drink water, and reconsider your life choices. The Archive cannot assist further.
9. Amendments
These Terms & Conditions may be updated at any time.
Changes will be posted on this page, ideally before anyone notices.
Continued use of the site after changes implies acceptance, or at least resignation.
10. Contact
Questions, concerns, or confessions may be sent to:
jweese74@gmail.com
Please allow 1–3 business days for a response, unless the archivist is buried in dust, paperwork, or mild despair.
END OF TERMS
You may now return to the Archive.
Please tread carefully. Some memories bruise easily.